What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
09.06.2025 01:22
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Samsung is struggling to sell the Galaxy S25 Edge - SamMobile
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He resisted the act ,that day.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
What has been your best sexual experience?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I said to her
When she asked me how she looked .
I couldn’t, believe it.
Have you ever accidentally found out that you were about to be fired?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Measles Exposure Prompts Health Warning In Bay Area - Patch
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She was in good health!
What is the most memorable thing that happened in your college days?
She loved him until the end.
So, i spoilt her more .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Are landlords allowed to make unreasonable requests?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
What are your views on music video reactors on YouTube?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I don,t even have a pension.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Scientists Crack 30-Year Mystery Behind “Holy Grail” Cancer Drug - SciTechDaily
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Flight attendant reportedly found naked during flight from SFO - SFGATE
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But ive been too sick for many years..
One cannot live in the past .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
401(k) Stats Suggest Americans Still Confident - Newser
And i lived it daily.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
All the time i was locked up.
Magic Johnson Bluntly Blames Two Players for Knicks' Season-Ending Loss - Sports Illustrated
My life is so biszare .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Report: Patriots have no plans to release Stefon Diggs - NBC Sports
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But it wasn’t much.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
So whats the point in blame.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She married twice! .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Would this be the day?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She wouldn,t have been !
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I was very sick at this time too.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
What did i know ?
We all went to grammer schools
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
It was going to be , some day.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
This is soul school!.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My family never makes their pension either.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Who then, do I blame.?
I write beautiful poetry .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was scared of men, in general
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Put me off passion for life!!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Im still living with it.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Comes on , in middle age.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I think the readers, may guess!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I was seconnd youngest,
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
(And it was in our own minds.)
As i do to all so called friends.?
Ive learnt so much.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But, we were locked up after school.
I waited trembling.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I have no regrets .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Especially a lifetime of it.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She found it foreign!.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was 9 years of age.
Why did i forgive my father ?
We were not on the streets..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He knew the spot.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I will be 64.